


Hero Is a Subjective Term

by LadyScribe_12



Series: Heroes and Dumb-asses [1]
Category: One Piece
Genre: Canon-Typical Violence, Dimension Travel, I am this weird and confusing though, Multi, Pirates, Self-Insert, Suddenly there was plot, This was a bunch of head-cannons with a friend, Unreliable Narrator, especially to other people, except I'm not this cool, mentions people can be shitty, pirate related violence, semi-sentient devil fruits, sorta - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-08-26
Updated: 2018-08-26
Packaged: 2019-07-03 00:11:13
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 13,360
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15807372
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LadyScribe_12/pseuds/LadyScribe_12
Summary: Two friends, both alike in dignity, which is to say none or very little. In fair and muggy North Carolina where we lay our scene…From a gentle faire to high seas piracy. Where two friends might become enemies, might become Heroes or quite possibly wind up dead. But as many stories start, this one starts with a really Stupid dare.





	1. We Might Be Idiots.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Edited and replaced 5/12/19.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Since people, I don't know, are reading this (???) I made it better, I think. Like I put details in it, since you guys don't hang out in my living room and talk about this story like Demon does. 
> 
> So, uh, enjoy those details. I promise to fix the rest soon and stop assuming that everyone reading this has prior knowledge of the characters and story. 
> 
> I will probably, almost definitely, maybe actually stick to that.

Two friends, both alike in dignity, which is to say none or very little. In fair and muggy North Carolina where we lay our scene…From gentle faire to high seas piracy. Where two friends might become enemies, might become Heroes or quite possibly wind up dead. But as many stories start, this one starts with a really _Stupid_ dare.

 

## We Might Be Idiots…

[Taylor] Hey, Demon. Ren Faire starts back up this Saturday/Sun. I’m going to need you to be available for Adventure Times. Weapons Optional, but highly encouraged.

[Dustin] Yo! I am free for the Adventure Times Saturday. Axes or swords do you think?

[Taylor] Personally I did not pay $200 for an evil looking elven blade to not wear it, but why choose my friend? Wear both. OOOooo and the trench coat. I’ll wear my black leather vest and fur collar jacket. We will be… Le Monster Hunters.

[Dustin] Hon-hon-hon

[Taylor] ….please say you aren’t going to fake a French accent all day…#regrets

[Dustin] #Go-Gurts

[Taylor] those too.

[Taylor] See you at 10 for early Adventure Times? I’ll bring the extra sheath for you too.

[Dustin] ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

[Taylor] Shut up Demon. You know what I mean.

[Dustin] 10 works for me, Later Tater.

[Taylor] Later Demon

## #AdventureTimes

Taylor came to on a sandy beach. Soaked to the bone and nauseous with inhaled salt water. She felt weak and disoriented. This was nowhere near where she remembered being last. She crawled further up the shore, feeling a little sturdier the further managed to get from the dark ocean behind her. She flopped gracelessly to her side once free from the waves and tried to force her brain to work. She was certain she’d been on nice warm dry land before…with Dustin. She’d been with Dustin. That was a perfectly vague starting point, given how much they hung out together.

“Where the fuck am I?” she coughs out. Trying to focus on her surroundings she maneuvers her cold, stiff limbs beneath her and manages to kneel. There is a grey light sort of permeating the beach. And even without the water at her feet she’d know what kind of biome she’d landed in, because for some reason everything here smells so strongly. The salt in the air, what must be low tide, and the slight stench of smoke on the breeze. It’s distracting and makes her nose itch with every breath.

And her eyes have still not adjusted to this strange lighting. It’s washing out most of the color around her, but she can see in it. She can see pretty clearly actually…which is weird (she’s lost her glasses somewhere), but it might just be the colorless lighting. It’s…spooky to say the least.

The tall palm trees are an ominous grey with shadowy leaves that get lost in the cliff face behind them. The sand is dull silvery grey and the ocean behind her is pitch black. This weird half-light is the creepiest thing she’s ever seen. Fearing she at least has landed in some sort of washed out purgatory they have another, less frightening thought and latch on to it in the hope it might be a better fate.

“…Or I’ve gone colorblind, which is possibly the most benign thing to happen today-ow” Taylor snags her still numbs lip between her teeth. ‘ _Oh great, now I’m bleeding’_ she thinks as she tentatively taps her lip with her tongue and scraps it along her tooth.

“ _Oww-ah_. Thing ah tipped a tooth[1]” Taylor, much more cautiously uses a finger to prod her mouth, suspecting she didn’t get to this beach as unscathed as she’d assumed. Only to find that her teeth are not sensitive as a chipped tooth would be…in fact they don’t appear to be shaped right at all. A cause for great concern.

Taylor is, admittedly, beginning to panic. Normally the earthy and calm sort they feel that this is the sort of situation that calls for at least a 5-minute panic, before they should be expected to function properly. No one should be able to just flat out roll with these kinds of punches with no comment, right? She decides to have a mild panic.

Taking stock and trying to sort themselves out Taylor attempts to list what’s known, lists are nice and helpful and put things into perspective.

“1) I’ve been ship wrecked Hades-knows-where.

2) Alternatively, I’m in purgatory—which I honestly thought I would bypass for at least the 7th circle of Hell. I’ve certainly blasphemed enough to warrant it. Hoping not though.

3) I’m fucking cold cause it’s night, question mark?

She pauses to slog her way up further past the hightide mark ‘ _Because Fuck Dignity, this is a **mobile** panic situation, I say._ ’ It’s an ungainly and, yes, undignified crawl as she continues to list everything currently being inflicted upon her and propping herself up against a tree. In her defense, it’s this or inarticulate screaming.

“3) There’s something wrong with my teeth and being colorblind _might_ be the nicest thing that’s happened to me today. Gre—AAATTAHHH”

The sudden vibration from her pocket startles the already quietly panicking person into ungraceful dodging-hop sideways. Not the kind of move that actually helps one get away from danger, really. Now Taylor is _sand-covered_ , cold, and wet.

A tiny muffled voice calls out from Taylor’s pocket…seemingly trying not to scare the person again.

“Ah, sorry Boss. I was just trying to tell you that I don’t really think your teeth are broken. That’s just the way they are here. Mure did it.”

Taylor caught most of that and the words themselves make sense, but that’s not really the point. Something is apparently stalking them on this sandy beach and Taylor doesn’t even have any driftwood to smack it with. Not that driftwood would be their choice of weapon, just that the beach is void of even coconuts, despite the palm trees swaying spookily in the grey light.

“My kingdom for coconut…or a sharp stabby thing.” Their voice starting to strain and there are some deep regrets about never having their favorite sword sharpened. The short blade hadn’t needed an edge in fricking NC. Here though it was starting to look like a gross miscalculation on her part.  

Again, the voice comes, now that they are paranoid and paying attention to their surroundings instead of bitching mightily, from Taylor’s pocket.

“Well Razor is on your—you know what? Just do me a favor and pull your phone out? Please?” It says gently. Cajoling Taylor to refocus on something.

“My phone? …Holy Shit. My Pixel! I just effing bought that thing. It was so pretty too.” Taylor rapidly refocuses. Always finding it easier to mad than scared they tug ineffectively at their, well it’s not quiet a pocket actually.

More of belt pouch with a belt around her waist and leather ties around her left thigh to keep it from bouncing. It has lots of heavy duty looking brass rings to clip things on too. It’s very nice actually…her inner goblin thinks. But she doesn’t have time for that now and it’s literally strapped to her thigh, so…finders keepers.

She opens the highest zipped pouch expecting to find a waterlogged phone that will undoubtedly be beyond repair at this point. Which honestly saddens her more than the whole possibly-shipwrecked-or-purgatory thing, as a materialistic hedonist Taylor’s Things are her _life_. She has made amends with her draconic like tendency to hoard nice things and money long ago.

Thankfully the need to hoard money has always balanced her craving for nice things. More money is better than owing lots of nice things. Emphasis on the ‘nice,’ it was a sort of a quality over quantity sort of thing. Very important note, don’t forget that.

And Pixel had been one of her nicer things, bought for herself, with her own money. She’d done so much reading on this little thing. And now…now the only nice thing she had left was a pouch of mysterious origins and a dead brick of a phone…the reality of being without any of her funds or comfort items really begins to sink in.

“Oh no, no-no, no, no NO. I don’t want to be poor again! It’s awful! It is as awful as whatever asshole said ‘money can’t buy happiness’ because it _CAN_. It has bought **my** happiness  many times. And now it is gone!”

“Wow, you are a very dramatic person and focusing on the wrong thing here by the by.”

“Oh I think the fuck I am not…eh? Phone you live???!” Taylor’s entire demeanor perks up at the familiar glow of her screen, which honestly too bright, but as she thinks it Pixel (tentative name?) mutters a “sorry” and dims the lights. And that’s a new feature.

Did they mention that the voice is new too? Cause that’s not OK Google. But any sign of normalcy is to be cherished at this point. No matter if it can suddenly talk, even in the definitely-sentient-not-a-Siri sort of way. But the screen is slowly resolving into a white type-face on a black background. The sort of low contrast theme Taylor was fond of…which was very intuitive of the little phone and did hint at this being **her** phone—just more somehow.

“Wait, you said something about Mure? I remember that name…I-we, I guess, were in a weird treasure room? There was a-uh-a blue-ish person talking about something. Was that…?” They trailed off as the memory started to solidify.

Pixel: (≧∀≦) “Hey! You do remember. That’s good. I was worried, there’s no hoard without you.”

“Yea I think…it’s all coming back to me. Hey! They threw me in a pit! Or the floor ate us? And they…oh fuck me I broke rule 1 **and** 3??” Taylor’s indignation peters out as the memories finally shake free. Letting a long shuddering breath as the utter terror that only the truly _fucked_ experience.

## Daring to be Stupid

“Oh my gahd. I don’t care if starvation is imminent, I will never eat ANY weird looking fruit thing Demon hands me ever again. I should have asked more questions. Damn my pride and Dustin’s stupid ability to talk me into things. Ugh I can still taste it…uhhhhh where am I?”

Taylor had been busy ranting about the horrid taste in her mouth, which was very much all her friends’ fault when she realized… ‘ _Shit, I’ve lost track of Dustin’_. He had been right behind her as they’d run toward a wooded area at the Renaissance Fair. She had been on her way to spit out the nasty-ass mutant blueberry he’d handed her.

Dustin, who had once licked a truck stop bathroom was probably just following for emotional support or a laugh. Okay it was probably for a bit if both. ‘ _Bastard probably didn’t have proper taste buds anymore._ ’

The dizzying sensation that had overcome her at the tree line had turned her vision black and sapped the strength from her legs. The last she really remembers is Dustin groaning and then-nothing. Now she’s trapped in a room chock full of weapons and shiny things, things that under better circumstances would warrant closer inspections, and absolutely no doors.

A windowless, door-less, treasure room of more than likely cursed-all-to-Hel items, regardless of their noticeable high shine and was that a shaska? Those were rarer, less popular, museum swords, but very nice all the same. Very unique cross-guards on those--

“Delightful, you have awoken.” A cool voice speaks. Taylor had not seen anyone else in here on her first turn about the room. She whips around and finds that room behind her has changed.

“Of course, it has changed child, you’re here now. It changes to accommodate you, to add your future experiences-to add your future items to Our hoard.” The “Our” was emphasized in such a way that Taylor thought it was very much a royal sounding “Our.”

The person who had said this even toned but undoubtedly declarative statements was seated in a wooden throne with detailed carvings of flora and fauna Taylor could not clearly see. But if that was due to her poor vision or if the carvings were just not meant to be seen by the likes of her was a mystery for later. Because, again this being had not been there a second ago. Her vision was not that bad…and they were several lovely shades of blue, it’d be hard to miss them.

“Um—Heelllooo mysterious telepathic Fae person, uh how do you do?” Taylor was operating on the assumption that delusion or not this person felt terrifyingly real and powerful. For now, it was better to be polite to the…person (possibly eldritch horror? Maybe Fae). They were not dressed in anything that really belonged in her local Ren Fair, people in NC tended to prefer pirate gear (Their coast was known as The Graveyard of Ships for a reason see? They had a theme) not this ethereal elven weirdness.

The style was a mishmash of Lord of The Rings and Skyrim and just way too other. Also, that throne was unnerving and might be shifting its shape and material every time she blinked. Definitely better to be cautious, besides as an avid reader Taylor had read what some powerful Fae could do to a rude human and none of it was pleasant. ‘ _Step one: do not tell it your name. Step 2: politely decline to eat anything. Step 3: Do **not** agree to any shifty deals. **[2]**   Step 4: ???? Profit??? Undetermined._ ’

“Oh, you have manners, I did make a good choice then. Listen little one-”

“Hey now, polite stops at short jokes…please?” Taylor was only 5’ even on a good day. She is what is known as petite. But years of living eye level with people’s elbows makes you bitter and less inclined towards polite conversation involving short jokes.

“And there are those fangs I was hoping for tempered by caution and the knowledge that you can’t win...mmhmmm I’m sold. You may use my power and together we shall acquire me many new forms and _you_ some new possessions. You like things do you not?” The being had moved closer as it had circled her and revealed itself to be completely androgynous in form, though maybe it was the armor, maybe their face kept shifting too? Taylor wasn’t good at faces, terrible really, faces just didn’t stick well in her brain. But she was certainly did not care to ask for clarification on either point whatsoever. ‘ _Thoughts for later, if we have a later._ ’ She had more important questions in mind.

“Um query?”

“I will entertain a few before I send you to where you belong.” Well we certainly don’t have time to unpack that bold statement do we?

“That is incredibly unsettling, the way you say things with absolute certainty, it truly is.”

“Thank you” Again they had circled around her smiling with some disturbingly pointy looking teeth. ‘ _Shark teeth…ooo-ha-ha. Stop it. Stupid brain, focus._ ’

“Right….uh just so we are on the same page here, what power and by ‘ _where I belong_ ’ you don’t mean North Carolina, do you?” Taylor attempts to smile politely, but it looks very forced and little manic.

“My power, the power of the Mure Mure no Mi” grandly gesturing towards itself “That means me.” Taylor technically had a minor in Japanese (though she rarely got to use it these days) and knew that Mure definitely sounded Japanese… ‘ _Something about flying? No it was bugs! Oh gross._ ’ she remembered. ‘ _It was the verb to Swarm or to flock. Oh that’s unnerving._ ’

“The Swarm Fruit? That’s your power? Are you trying to turn me into an insect?! Because I have news for you Ma’m, Si-ur, uh you! I don’t do insects. Not happening. No bugs” Taylor had taken to pacing during the rant, but was brought up short when the-‘Mure’ she decided- when Mure appeared before her, having kept stride alongside her.

“No, I do not mean bugs” Their stare was incredibly unnerving with their silver irises and close proximity to Taylor’s face and the whole no-blinking they were doing. “I am offering you the opportunity to awaken any non-living item and have it answer to you and you alone. The power to create a hive mind with many objects or shatter one into a swarm of its own, to reform and wield as you please.” Mure’s voice had grown in intensity with this speech. “The power to form a veritable storm of shards _all_ beholden unto **You**!”

Taylor’s eyes had grown wide at this explanation of exactly what was on offer. There was fear still, definitely. That sort of passionate crazy should _always_ be something to be wary of, you never knew which way crazy would jump after all.

On the other hand… it was checking a lot of her boxes too. ‘ _But if something sounds too good to be true it usually is._ ’ Also, she had finally placed why the phrase Mure Mure no Mi was familiar, it was the formula for naming devil Fruits in One Piece.

(Verb/Onomatopoeia/Noun)2 + no+ Mi Japanese for ‘Fruit’

That was incredibly interesting for a number of reasons, but the world of OP was an equally dangerous place to exist let alone try for money or power. But if this devil could send her there, maybe she could do something about the rest. ‘ _No harm in trying. Probably, maybe. But only under certain circumstances._ ’

“I will admit that your offer is-wow-incredibly tempting if true. But to be honest I am not exactly ‘in shape’ and I’d super like to Not Die, so maybe…”

“Nonsense, you won’t be going anywhere as you are, that would get us exactly nowhere.”

“Ouch. I mean truth, but ouch.”

“No, you just need some polishing first” Mure was definitely talking about altering Taylor’s physical form, hopefully for the better. However, they could do that without eyeballing Taylor like they were sizing up steak dinner. It was uncomfortable.

But if Mure could alter her to be better prepared for the other world…well never let it be said that Taylor wouldn’t take an opportunity to stack the deck. Taylor attempted to offer some suggestions on that front but was cut off before she could start. Mure gestured at her, well, everything and as coolly as before their dip into Villain monologues stated “I will handle this. You shall be remade stronger and in my image. It is a fitting payment don’t you think? My power in exchange for what you used to be? The name will belong to me too. So, pick another.”

“Is the name change really necessary, I’ve kinda grown used to answering to it you see…?” Taylor really wasn’t all that great with other people’s names as it was. Changing her own was kind of iffy…

“It is a necessary sacrifice for travel back to my home to be possible. Deal with it.” Mure turns away and begins walking back to throne. Taylor watched, contemplating what Mure had just said ‘ _Oho, that’s their angle. They’re stuck here in limbo without a person._ ’

“That’s what you really want isn’t it? _That’s_ why you need me, you need a host to travel back to your home.” Mure whips around to stare intently obviously fighting the urge to be furious. It was difficult to say if they were mad about being found out or at the tiny mortal’s smug tone, certainly they were displeased at being unable to exact some form of retribution. Mure settled on Not Pouting at Taylor and making zero eye contact.

Taylor however was not judging, not really, just pleased to know why something like this had been necessary for someone who could apparently make a human travel between worlds, but not themselves. Taylor was curious by nature and this was a golden opportunity, she might be an idiot for even considering this but it was going to be one hell of an adventure. Besides she knew One Piece lore, plot lines, and had most of the characters memorized…by name at least, faces blergh. “Okay Mure, you’ve got a deal.”

Mure’s grim looking glower became a fang-filled and overly-eager looking grin if you asked Taylor.  Mure held out their blue freckled hand and ordered “Shake on it.” As Taylor’s hand made contact with Mure’s, Mure snapped the fingers of their free hand and Taylor felt like floor opened up beneath them.

Then, only darkness.

## Buyer’s Remorse

Taylor can’t help but groan, using Pixel to gently thump her forehead. “I am _so_ **fucking** stupid. I asked for this, fucked up teeth and all apparently. Stupid, stupid, stupid.”

Pixel: (￣□￣) “Aww, c’mon Boss. I think you look neat! See? It’s not so bad.”

Pixel wiggles to get Taylor’s attention and they hold it out dejectedly out in front of them. Pixel then turns the front camera and the flash on. Temporarily blinding Taylor, they acting as a mirror to show Taylor a face that is familiar and not.

Taylor sees that the basic outline of what should be her face is still there, her face had always been an oval shape. So that’s familiar at least. So is her hair…mostly. Still sporting her now usual buzzed down undercut with a fluffy fohawk dyed bright blue. It’s so much bluer than it used to be, Taylor dyed her own hair, but wasn’t good about maintaining. Her dark roots were usually visible, but not now… ‘ _Are my eyebrows blue too?_ ’ upon closer inspection, they definitely were. So were the newly acquired freckle looking spots dotting her nose.

Why was everything so blue? Blue… “Oh, not colorblind then! My pupils are still _huge_ , is that normal now? And hey, not technically in hell…though depending on where we landed in One Piece, debatable.”

Pixel: (*´∀｀*) “I knew you’d see the light.”

Taylor rolled their eyes at the obvious pun of seeing their new face by phonelight. ‘ _Very clever_ ’ Fearing the worst but figuring Mure couldn’t make them look to awful they bared their new teeth at Pixel’s camera. ‘ _Oh. I’m honestly not sure how I feel about this…’_ Taylor looked at her new fang-y grin with wary interest.

They had shark teeth. Neat human-sized shark teeth, that clacked sharply as she experimentally gnashed her teeth. Fearsome looking things, but still neat perfect triangles along both rows. It could have been far worse.

“I think Mure made me, at least partly, a fishperson. Which is an interesting route to go, but definitely explains the teeth and strange skin patterns. That’s…not a _bad_ thing. I think.”

Pixel: (つ >ω●)つ”There you go Boss! Some positive thinking might just get you off this beach.”

“Right…off the beach.” Taylor decides that her appearance has never really mattered before and that to care that Mure took such liberties might, _possibly_ , **maybe** have something to do with rubbing their situation in their face a little bit. So they might have earned this and they have no way to change it anyway. Suck it up buttercup and do what you do best. Solve problems.

Taylor stands and brushes the drying sand off of themselves. No reason to be uncomfortable and have to scale a fuck off huge cliff…Mure changed more than their coloring. Taylor notices as they brush off their thin cloth vest that there’s not a whole lot under it…

“Oh my god, Mure took my tits too. I. am. Not even surprised at this point. Are sharks not sexually dimorphic? Is this a fishperson thing? I—I don’t think they are, so internal plumbing is…oh thank god, still internal. I don’t think I am even surprised anymore, but I am weirdly grateful for small mercies. WhatTheFuckEven.” Taylor’s latest discovery has fueled their desire to get the fuck off this beach. They make for the cliff as they make a request of Pixel, really feeling the need for a pick me up or someone to point out a Brightside to all this—mess, it is a certifiable mess.

“Pixel, say something positive. Please.”

Pixel: “At least you can sleep on your stomach now? And they won’t get in your way when you cross arms.” ☜（ﾟ∀ﾟ☜）

Taylor pauses mid stride to really take that in. “You are so _right_. No more bras either…freedom! Ahahaha…. But I’m still mad, those were  mine, damnit. But we’ll hold that grudge for later. We should try to find somewhere vaguely safe and take stock of our grievances in the morning.”

Pixel: (￣^￣)ゞ “Aye Aye, Boss.

 They march on and make it to the cliff, it’s not a terribly wide beach at this point. ‘ _Thank Hades._ ’

Pixel: (◑.◑) “You might also consider giving a thought to a new name on the way up.”

“FUCK”

Without pausing, choosing to channel their rage productively, Taylor starts to climb the craggy cliff. It wasn’t a sheer cliff but it was trying its hardest. Thankfully, shark vision was proving to be fairly useful. The weird greying out of everything was still weird and bright lights _hurt_ , but they could at least see where to place their hands and feet. The rough stone chaffs and abrades their knees, toes, and hands. ‘ _Clearly, we did not get any nifty tough shark skin to go with the seeing in the dark thing. Thanks, Mure! Ya ass._ ’

It takes, _what feels like ever_ , about an hour for Taylor to make their way up the cliff side. They are a little worse for wear but surprisingly not completely spent. They are however emotional exhausted and are in desperate need of some sleep and time to just think about some of their recent life choices. So, like many of the emotionally numb before them they collapse at the top of the cliff like a puppet with cut strings. Ragdolled face first into the hard stone they again experience a rush of pure adrenaline at hearing gruff male voice shatter their peaceful pity party there on the ground.

“Arre ye o’ware dhat thars eh staircase ah’tall Lad? Boot tweeny foo’ tha whey.” And maybe it’s the emotional exhaustion fucking with their hearing or maybe they got to keep that lovely auditory processing disorder from home, but ‘ _What the fuck?_ ’

“No that should be an out loud question. What the fuck?” They roll their head to the side and see an actual peg-legged bruiser of an old man.

“Ya speak owfully pretty for bit o’flotsam. Whar ya from?” Okay he just talks like that then. ‘Is that Scottish? Sounds too pirate-y for Irish, not enough question marks for Welsh. Doesn’t sound like The Beatles or Sir Attenborough, so probably not British.

“Have I landed in fantasy Scotland? Of all places…” Taylor says to no one in particular and entirely missing the suspicious tone of the new mystery in front of them. The accent is still playing havoc with Taylor’s processing, but they might be starting to translate that a little better. Third times the charm and all that.

“No, this is South Blue.” Or not.

“I’m sorry, I’m like half dead right now, but did you say **South** Blue?” Raising their head enough to look at the man. When he confirms what he said with a steady nod and a hard expression, Taylor loses their last fuck. The very last one. They no longer have a single fuck left to their name.

“SON OF A WHORE.”

“Ah so, ye heard that part.”

“I heard the part about the stairs too, fuck you very much. I was ignoring it and trying to figure out that accent you’ve got going there.”

“Ahh, well. Now tha ye’ve done yer figuring ya mind sharing what you’re doin on my hill, Lad?” The stranger is now most assuredly a danger to Taylor, they belatedly realize. His tone shifted from curious to annoyed. He is also too close and too unknown for comfort. Taylor finally noticing that they don’t know this person and that Pixel is now vibrating an S.O.S against their still frigid leg, attempts to flip over. Having never really finished pulling their whole body up the ledge it goes poorly.

Before they can really fall or scramble further away Stranger Danger hauls them to safety only to pull out a dagger and hold it perilously close to their neck. And by that they definitely mean they are bleeding from an all new location now. ‘ _Yay, fuck my life._ ’

“Now what were you doing sneaking up on my place in the dark kid?”

 _‘What??’_ “You seriously think I was sneaking? Cause I remember cursing loudly several times in the past few hours. Colorfully. At max volume. Not sneaking.”

“Well, **I** _personally_ , would not call that sneaking but the level of professionalism in the last batch of morons who tried to steal from me was staggeringly low. _So_ , answer the question or die.”

The stranger pressed the knife a little harder into Taylor’s throat. It shocked her; this guy was serious and talking a lot more clearly(?). She really did not want to die. Not so soon. No. _‘I don’t have an answer for this guy. Not a believable one. What do I doooooo?’_ In a panic and without conscious thought Taylor whispers-

“Mure-” and shuts her eyes, just in case. No need to watch death happen.

Though she could not see it, a look of pain crossed the stranger’s face at that word. “How do you know that-?”

“Shatter.” And though she looked scared the knife at her throat flashed silver and did her bidding. It broke apart into several diamond shaped shards. Not really aiming her newly acquired ammo, Taylor thinks specifically of making Danger Rick move further away and _feels_ some her strength slip away as the shiny steel zips at her assailant forcing him to quickly dodge backward or be stabbed in turn. “It worked!—ah shit.” Elation would have to be put on hold until the Stranger Danger had been dealt with.

Trying to at least get back to her elbows and somewhat face her potential doom now that she had breath to speak there was the slimmest of chances, she could talk her way out of this. And now Stranger Danger over there was staring hard at her. Not moving towards her but glaring awful hard, but that was fine. So long as he stayed over there. Way over there if at all possible.

“Can we start over there maybe, Stranger Danger? Or at least take second for sense to reassert itself?” She was trying to look innocent, but was settling for out of breath and pathetic. “Look I’m Tay-cough- jesus forgot, uh _‘Thinkthinkthink’_ I’m Te? I got abducted by a devil fruit this morning and AM NOT trying to steal from you. Please don’t make me throw more shards at you? I’m tired.”

“and out of ammo.”

“The polite thing would be to not mention that. And technically I have a sword.” Mentioning her dark elf blade, which was currently on her back in the worst position to draw and blunt. Like worse than a butter knife.

“Ya mean that little knife on your back? Oh, I’m terrified.” He snarked. Stranger Rick was now officially promoted to Danger Dick, until further notice. “But let’s ignore that for one second….I watched that devil fruit fall into the sea over 25 years ago. The man who last wielded it would not, under any circumstances have passed up an opportunity to steal the treasure I have at my disposal. Why should I believe you?”

Danger Dick was still staring awful hard but he didn’t look particularly mad about it. Mostly his craggy face looked like he was trying to think through a rough math problem. Hopefully not one involving Te-No-longer-Taylor’s best trajectory off the nearby cliff. _‘If it takes an idiot over an hour to climb a 20ft cliff in the dark how high do you have to kick them to …..no, nope, not going there. Answer Danger Rick’s question._

“uhhhhhhhhmmmm well I won’t pretend I don’t like shiny things, cause that’d be a lie and you seem rather perceptive for a salt-incrusted pirate type, but I _literally_ didn’t know what the fuck was up here until  –you- said something so…um yea, can’t steal what you don’t know exists? I mean…” Te was really curious as to what the guy could possibly be hiding, but well Te also didn’t feel like she could fight her way out of a wet paper bag right now either. Oh, look Stranger Danger was going to say something. Something unbearably smug by the looks of it.

“So you got dropped here with no warning about where you were going or what to look out for? With such an incredibly low sense of self-preservation that you couldn’t detect a guy two foot from you?”

“Well that is not really nece-“

“All the while cursing up a storm at high volume so that anyone who _–might-_ be around certainly would hear you?”

“In my defense-“

“And let’s not forget that now that you’ve used your one trick-

“Hey now, **you** don’t-

“Yes, I do, stop interrupting. Now that you are on your last fucking inch of stamina, you’re going to lay there and try to talk your way out of being killed.”

“ _I_ usually say logic my way out, because when it comes down to it if you sound sensible enough, most people will listen to a calm logical sounding tone that offers solutions. But I mean most people are kinda dumb so there’s thaaaat, shit. Not uh that I think you would fall for something so  ~contrived~ and _why_ are you laughing?”

And the crazy man temporarily dubbed Stranger Rick was. Loudly and heartily. Like a full-on belly laugh. _‘Oh, he fell over.’_ Te was considering running but honestly couldn’t really feel her legs just yet, too cold, too tired in general. “uhhh you’re welcome….um?” and gestures limply at the man.

“Ha, ya got a mouth on ya brat, not always a good thing to have in South Blue. And it’s Benny, preferably.”

“Please stop saying that I’m in South Blue, I’m really trying to ignore that fact.” Flopping back fully to the ground was a bad idea. Their sword and baldric are digging into their back in a line of pure uncomfortable. Te, fed up with being uncomfortable today, rips it off over her shoulder. ‘ _I don’t remember this being so small. Stranger Dick is right, it’s a knife now…great.’_

Benny-formally-Stranger-Rick snorts and squats down next to the exhausted and bedraggled castaway. “Listen brat. I’ve a proposition fer ya.”

“I know I’m adorable, but I’m going to have to ask you to keep it in your pants Stranger Danger.”

Danger Rick, a.k.a Benny, rolled his eyes. “Vera cute, you know I’d almost forgotten what it was like to have wise-arse sidekick mouthing off ta everything I said.”

“Fond memories?”

“Not anymore. Proposition withdrawn. You can sleep in the garden if you don’t roll so much, but I expect you to be gone by noon.”

And with that Strang-Benny _‘Come on, we can remember that surely’_ heaved himself up and walked off toward a lit up little shack Te could just see in the distance. “Hey, wait~, no I wanna know what the proposition was. I was just kidding really~.” Te leaned on her own natural sarcasm heavily. She needed Benny to _feel_ her scorn. “No really, wait up. I always want to know the propositions of guys who hold knives to people’s throats with no provocation WHAT-So-ever.

Y’all have the –best- ideas. Come on now.”

“Yer certainly making up with the provoking now, ain’t ya lad? Keep going and you’ll wake up with a new smile.” He shouted over his shoulder as he stumped off to his shack.

“dick” Te mutters.

Pixel: (￣ー￣；) “That went well.”

“Hush you. We don’t know him, we don’t owe him, and we aren’t trusting him. We are however going to sleep in this garden and maybe…I don’t know what we’ll do next, but we’ll figure it out in the morning.” Te says as they heft both of them upright. Not that it’s Pixel really weighing them down. Te grabs their sword…knife(?) and moves on to the scruffy path leading to Benny’s shack and whatever than dilapidated carport is.

Pixel: (ღ˘⌣˘ღ) sigh~~

“You okay?” Te questions, hearing Pixel sigh dreamily.

Pixel: (ღ˘⌣˘ღ) “You said ‘we’”

Te is a little thrown by the sentiment. Pixel might have started out a phone, but it sounded pretty fucking sentient to them-her-Te. And well, it was familiar and it was their-hers-they belonged to each other or something.

Pronouns were tricky when you started subconsciously including living bits of machinery into your sense of self. Pixel _felt_ so Pixel had to be people, at least by Te’s estimation. And Pixel was Te’s and sentient by Te’s power…but they worked together. There was no way Te would have shut up long enough to get off the beach without Pixel and well Pixel needed Te too.

“Yea, course. There’s no you without me and there’s no way I’m getting through this without you. You and me, us. We Are Groot and all that.”

Pixel: (´⌣`ʃƪ) “I love you too, Boss”

*snort* “Don’t get sappy on me. We…will talk more in the morning. Right now, there’s an incredibly uncomfortable looking stone bench calling my name.” It was super uncomfortable, but it was also the only thing that wasn’t straight up ground to lay on. “It’s been awhile, but I *have* slept on worse surfaces.”

They get as comfortable as possible and lay flat in their stomach for the first time in ever. It’s not horrible really. Te gently sets Pixel on a sliver on bench by their head and drops their sword next to the bench within easy reach. They know dick-all about sword fighting, but hope in the even of an emergency they can pull that shatter trick again.

Pixel: |ω・） “Psst. Boss, permission to activate the panic app?” Pixel had taken the time during the climb to really dig into their hard-drive and discover some new/old features. Along with several games. Taylor-who-was-now-Te had once upon a time installed a panic button app. Pixel wasn’t exactly sure what it did here, in this new place, but they were certain it could have helped. And once Boss was rested up and maybe fed, they’d definitely have more power to work with. Until then Pixel would keep watch.

“ Uh, yea sure. In fact, you’ve got guard duty while I sleep off the Stupidest Thing I’ve ever done. If something happens just activate the Panic App and I don’t know zap a mofo, ‘specially if it’s Benny….”

There were questions and new found revelations about the price of getting here that could be processed tomorrow. _‘Like being in fucking South Blue for instance, a Blue that no one knew the slightest thing about because the fucking series took place in EAST BLUE. But later, deep breathe, not now. For now, we will sleep and we will contemplate what South Blue and not having boobs could possibly mean for us **in the morning**._ ’ Te quickly lulled herself to sleep, leaving Pixel on watch. Somehow feeling secure for that fact instead of in spite of it.

 

Pixel dutifully activated their panic protocols and added a subroutine called Cerberus. They would protect Boss while they could. They had no doubt that Boss would figure out how to add Razor, their sword, to the hoard in no time. Boss already adored that sword, at least when they weren’t tired and cranky. They’d hit the ground running like always and be a lot less cranky for it.

* * *

 

[1] “I think I chipped a tooth.”

[2] All Fae-based deals are, in fact, shifty in one way or another. Do Not Accept Fae-based deals.


	2. The 2nd Dumbest Thing I've Ever Done

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Time to face some questionable life choices and make some more!  
> Edited and updated for readability and better consistency 5/12/19

# The 2nd Dumbest Thing I’ve Ever Done

 

The morning dawned and made it supremely clear that sleeping outdoors is for birds and hippies because that was way too much light. “Gross. I’m awake and still outdoors, good morning to me.”

“Gooood Morning Boss-Lady!”

“Oh, 20% less Pix. No one and no thing need be that chipper, this early.”

“By my calculations it is closer to 10 actually”

“Did not ask.” Te had managed to sit up and get a look around since the sun was up. Benny’s little…hovel and shack accompaniment, some sort of workshop maybe, were even dirtier in the light of day. Whatever strange version of darkvision Te had acquired along with their new body, allowed them to see fairly well but washed out details. Like grime. Like a lot of grime…and rust. “Who the fuck thinks this guy has _anything_ to steal?? Look at this place, it’s a dump.”

Okay that was uncharitable, the buildings might be weathered, but they looked sturdy enough. The smaller building Te had seen before hand was just a building with several open sides. Might be a work shop judging from all the equipment

Desperate for something more appealing to look at it and needing to get the lay of the land anyway, Benny would inevitably run them off for good surely, Te-who-was-still-getting-used-to-the-name tried to find civilization elsewhere. It wasn’t hard, but it was hardly uplifting.

They found a town easily enough, Benny’s place was on not really a stand-alone hill, but part of an ascending ridge line. The ridge started out at a lower elevation here on Benny’s side and grew to small mountain proportions off in the distance as it ringed the town below in a half-moon of thick grey rock.

The town itself was filled with ramshackle buildings and shoddy stone factories with many smoke stacks visible from their perch. This side of the ridge line was about even with the roof of a stone tower-like building butted up against it. Actually, from what they could tell the entire basin was a wall-to-wall warren of buildings in various states of repair, the closer to the bay (and therefore the factory looking places) the grungier things got. Not even the factories looked up to code.

“Wow, that’s depressing. This is like a post-industrial nightmare town…I hate it already.” The factories and their smokestacks billowed a metallic smelling smoke and obscured the distant mountain in a haze. There were some buildings up on the highest point, but the smoke from the factories was obscuring the view for now.

Nothing else to look at besides the docks and nothing really seemed to be happening there. There was one ship in dock and it was missing a mast, so it was either in for repair or a work in progress. Te had a very basic knowledge of shipper-y and zero interest in expanding that knowledge. ‘ _I don’t even like driving cars, I’m certainly not going to learn how to drive something that big._ ’

Te turned her attention to the overgrown mess behind them. Being an avid gardener back home, the sight of the mess of plants all growing in a tangled heap behind her made her sad. Mostly for the plants, they didn’t ask to be neglected. Te could smell the acrid scent of several tomato plants and towards the edge one small cucumber or squash plant was trying to win free of the tangle to catch enough sun to propagate.

It only took a few seconds of thought to come to the conclusion that Benny _owed_ them breakfast. Specifically, a cucumber or easily reachable tomato. No way were they going to dive into the middle that though. North Carolina had several species of dangerous snakes that could kill a person and this bramble patch was the perfect environment for the little blighters. Not to mention there was no telling what kind of snake could be lurking around in One Piece.  They would only pick from the sides, thank you.

After locating and consuming breakfast Te still had not seen Benny yet. He might have said to be gone by the afternoon, but if he didn’t show himself, she didn’t feel the need to move until she had too. Besides it was time for a serious look at the consequences of her choices. Namely what the fuck was going on with her body.

Taking stock for a second the only conclusion they could positively come too, was that their original thought was correct. This new body had to at least be a fishman hybrid. It made sense to Te and Pixel at least. Te had noticed that her sense of smell was SOOOO much better than her old body. Then there was the whole seeing in the dark thing and while it wasn’t perfect clarity, it was much better than what any human should be capable of. Thirdly were the teeth. Teeth designed to catch fish and probably other sea critters—chewing _was_ a bit of problem. Lastly, while not really attached to belonging to one gender or another, Te had originally been female in body—if not quite in spirit—so this new body was odd.

“I think I kinda like it though, Pix. I mean, I never had a use for my boobs and now I can sleep however I want. I think I have more muscle too.” Te thought about it for a second and decided to assume that a more androgynous form was probably from strong shark genes. Like a lot of large fish, sharks are not sexually dimorphic. So, the genders look really similar if not outright identical. And honestly it made as much sense as anything else they knew for sure about fishmen.

Arlong was a shark type and could regrow his entire jaw in seconds and they just came back stronger every time. Which was sort of in line with basic shark biology, they do constantly regrow teeth, though the durability doesn’t change. Choo was like that little fish in the amazon who shot water at bugs to knock them into the water. But in the land of Anime, he took it to the next level and could drill water bullets _through_ people. Some fishmen even still produced the natural toxins that their fish counterparts did.

So honestly, having darkvision, an acute sense of smell (not a good thing in an industrial town), and no visible gender…not all that weird. Hopefully they could still eat veggies or they were going to be revisiting breakfast soon. But that was a problem for future them, Te decided. Since it didn’t appear they really wanted or needed to freak out about this and had taken to seeing it as an upgrade, there were other things they needed to think about.

Besides, they were going to save a shit-ton of (their non-existent) money by not having to buy bras! Or corsets, or whatever chics wore here. Te, identifying for years as fully asexual, hadn’t any use for looking more feminine any way. This weirdly masculine body was kind of liberating in fact. Though Te was certain that their hips still looked a little, uh, fluffy for a dude, maybe is wasn’t that noticeable. Benny certainly hadn’t noticed.

But they need to move on and focus on other things, like how the hell they could replicate what they had done to Benny’s dagger. They were going to need some way to be offensive, besides verbally. And being in South Blue, the place known for giant wildlife, Marines and Revolutionaries, it seemed like they’d need to be able to take care of themselves. In a hurry.

South Blue was home to some very famous names too and depending on _when_ Te had landed they could easily get caught in the cross fire of either Marines turning over South Blue in search of baby Ace or The Revolutionaries trying to establish themselves. Neither situation would end well for them if they couldn’t reliably defend themselves.

The first step was obviously to figure out how Mure’s power really worked and how to do it quickly. Being fast might mean less power, but with no armor to speak of it seemed like a better starting point than training to just **take** damage. Besides being quick with the shards of Benny’s dagger last night had probably saved her. It had at least surprised the man and made him move back. _‘So, let’s see if we’re capable of a repeat performance.’_

So, in theory there should be some center point of their power. Anime Logic says there’s a good chance this power can be reached via meditation. Te has spent probably months’ worth of time just reading various anime’s wiki pages and in turn has accumulated lot’s of behind the scenes sort of knowledge. Namely how to find your Inner Strength. Therefore, they would give this whole meditate to “find your Center” a chance. Even though meditation sucked and was very, very boring.

Te tried holding various hand seals learned from Naruto in an attempt to hurry this along. Sitting still, accomplishing **nothing** was  not their style. They were leaning toward using the Earth Release seal now, because it felt best-right-powerful, maybe? And also, nothing beats being a pirate except being a pirate-ninja. You could arguably steal things twice as fast and accumulate ALL the wealth. Which sounded like a very nice thought to Te. There was literally no downside if this worked.

‘ _Let’s see, I am earth, I am calm, I am… I am hating this already; hand seals may help channel…something?_ ’

“New approach, I’ve always hypothesized that devil fruits don’t necessarily need activating words.”

Pixel: ٩◔̯◔۶  “According to your discord history you specifically cited that both Luffy and Kid seem to need minimal words or gestures to use their powers. I believe you also mentioned that Kid specifically has also never named his fruit while using it.”

 _‘Pixel can access my discord app still? Cool.’_ Te thought.

“Correct and since I believe that like those two, I also have a Paramecia fruit, this rule may also apply to me, should it indeed prove to be a rule. For our first test we are going to try to ‘Awaken’ this sword, but instead of evoking Mure’s name I shall make something up, but focus on channeling my needs into the sword.”

Te took another deep breath and for the hell of it keep her hand in the ninja pose. Because it was cool and they were still a little mad at Mure. Just mad enough to not want to say the name…ever. _‘It is the least Mure deserves for dropping me in fucking South Blue._ _Okay, okay. FOCUS._ ’

“Ninpo: Shikigami”

 Te concentrated on what she wanted. A shikigami was something like summoned servant. She’d seen several varieties in various anime. She was hoping the sword itself could sit in place of the little paper manikins shikigami usually started out as and that by saying it out loud she’d activate…well something.

Looking for the connection they had to Pixel and trying to channel that into something new. Just going for it seemed to be the path. As they concentrated, they could feel _something_ flare up and—

Pixel: （ФоФ)!!! “I think something happened! It flashed for a second.” –promptly extinguish.

Te opened their eyes and stared at the sword, twisting it a bit “Are you sure it wasn’t just the sun?”

Pixel: (¬▂¬) “I’m sure. Try again! More oomf this time though!”

Te did as Pixel suggested and really focused on what she wanted-no-what NEEDED to happen.

“Ninpo! Shikigami!”

This time Te definitely felt a pull and a new—stable—connection opened up. This time without the panic around her she could feel it. And now that she knew what it felt like Te was having an even easier time picking up Pixel too. Te opened her eyes to find the sword had a faint silver outline around its dark steel lines.

*ahem*

“Hi, uh Great Stone Dragon~ Have You Awakened~?” Te was trying for solemnity and landed somewhere around melodramatic. Te pauses one eye closed hand still raised, fingers extended. She gently taps the sword again. Both Te and Pixel startle as the small sword jolts up off their lap and gently hovers a few inches away.

Te pokes it again and tries mentally prod their connection, giving it a little nudge and a boost to see if it will speak. Speaking might be restricted to things that have a method of creating sound, but that one guy SpamPanda-whats-his-bucket has elephant sword so…maybe it’s not necessary and the little guy needs a nudge.

It works. The sword seems to startle in place much as it’s summoner had seconds before and orients itself with the flat of the blade towards Te. With a voice much deeper than anticipated says to them “Boss, it is an honor to speak with you, origin of my name and strength. **I** , _Razor_ , am at your service.”

‘ _Origin of your what now?_ ’ Te had to dig preeettty deep to find why Razor would think they’d named it. But then it hit them. When they had bought the small sword they had made a joke because it was the smallest size there next to an actual dagger. Te had looked at Demon as a matter of fact and said that it looked more like an evil elven _razor_ than a drow blade.

…And Razor had remembered that. Remembered it enough to choose it as his(?) name… “whoa, tha’s cool.” We are definitely going to talk to more stuff now. Things remember people, they remember words said about them, around them. What would the things of One Piece have to say? What the actual treasure of ONE PIECE SAY? And the poneglyphs!!

‘ _Which are in the Grandline…I have to be tough to go there._ ’

Pixel: ◔_◔? “Boss?”

“We have to go to the Grandline.”

Razor spluttered. “But Boss, we—we aren’t…”

“We have to though, I may not be able to _read_ a poneglyph, but I **can** talk to one! Just think of all the juicy, juicy secrets they know. Think of all the treasure we’ll be able to steal along the way!”

Pixel: (ʃƪ¬‿¬) “Juicy, Juicy Treasure”

“Pixel, please…you’re killing me here.”

Pixel: (✿>◡<) “Teehee”

“SO! Razor, welcome to the party. I am Te-of-No-Where-Special and I am nominally in charge of this disaster train and making all the bad decisions. So, yeah. Welcome to the hoard.

Oh, and this is Pixel. They’re in charge of the small percentage of my sanity I have left, navigation and being weird.”

Pixel: ᕦ⊙෴⊙ᕤ

“Beautiful Pix. And you my new friend are hopefully our combat expertise…” Te finished hopefully.

And if a sword could emote at all, Razor was looking shamed(?) regret..ful(?)—uncertain, but not comfortable surely. “Boss…young master…I..*SNIFFLE*”

‘ _oh no._ ’

“Young master, I-I….I AM A SHAM! I have **no** knowledge to give you master!  For **give** me! I should be melted down for _nailllssss_ ”

Stunned did not begin to cover what Te was feeling at the outpouring of emotions. Why this thing in particular had so many, was a question for another time. Razor was still flailing about and sobbing as much as a sword even could.

“I will not rest until my failures have been reversed, Master! I swear upon the-*clank*” Te had to stop the bloody thing from talking, not only was it loud it was like the fucking thing was going to swear a blood oath or something equally ridiculous if it kept going. So they severed the connection. Just a quick yank on the line of power going out to Razor and then—silence. Blessed silence.

Te picked Razor up off the ground and wiped him clean on the threadbare pants they had on. Sheathing him and laying the tiny sword across their laps, they tried to process what the fuck happened.

Emotions were very difficult for Te to process and they’d never had—had so many. Emotions didn’t seem to run as deep for them as for other people and maybe without a lingering emotion or three it made it difficult to understand others.

A moment of sadness for a passing or regret at missing something for a second or two, but then they _moved_ on. Why cry about it when you could just dedicate that energy to getting on with your life? And sure, be happy about things, but why must screams-of-joy exist? Can’t we just quietly bask in the glow of success for a bit and then continue to be successful—just keep carrying on, you know?

Emotions were very inefficient things for the rest of the world it seemed. Te had given up understanding other people or interpreting emotional subtext, like forever. It wasn’t worth it and they flat out refused to respond to it. They never guessed right anyway. So why did every object they ‘alived’ come with such complex ones…they weren’t getting it from them.

Pixel interrupted their thoughts by tugging insistently at the power flow going to them. Which was far more intriguing than dwelling on how ill-equipped they were to handle emotional overloads of inanimate objects.

“What are you doing?”

Pixel: (`A´) “I want to move by myself too! It’s not fair Razor gets all the fun.”

‘ _Oh HEFL, I’ve aligned myself with children. **Emotional** children._ ’

“Okay, sheesh. Stop tugging it feels weird. Here, go fly, be merry.” Te pushes enough energy, same amount as they had with Razor, at Pixel. Assuming that Pixel might need more energy in general to accomplish levitation considering they were a more complicated object. Pixel’s initial surge of power seemingly went it to all the mechanics that make a computer capable of sound and function.

Te wondered if Pixel spoke first instead of flying because what Te had needed first was a friendly voice, not something to protect themselves with. Protection and fighting had been their reason for waking Razor, maybe that’s why he was so upset about it. It was literally his reason for being and he couldn’t do it.

‘ _Well, it’s not like they both **couldn’t** learn it…they just needed a teacher…hmmm_ ’

While they thought Pixel absorbed and redirected its new power allotment. Taking care to use the bare minimum to get what they wanted and storing the rest for emergencies. Te had yet to retract their order to guard them, ignoring the part where they said “while I sleep” for reasons.

Te had set Pixel down on the bench next to them to let them work through their mobility issues. Done with their own thoughts on the matter they watched as Pixel wobbled up on its side, facing away from them.

*crack*

The sharp noise makes them jolt in place. Pixel’s case had abruptly cracked in a zig-zag down the back of the device. “Uhhhh, Pix?”

And with that Pixel’s case flashed with a brief silver light. Then Te felt something insect like brush her palm. “Yaaaaaha” Te dropped the phone and as Pixel hit her lap the clear plastic legs that had formed sprung fully open and began, yuck, scuttling up Te’s vest and perched on the outside of her arm near her shoulder.

Pixel:（＾ｖ＾）“Mobility Test: Successful”

“Pixel, why didn’t you just hover like the fucking sword…whhhhy did you make bug legs?? There’s even six of them!”

“Six was determined to be the optimal number for clinging and climbing your person Boss.”

“Yes, but why do you _Need_ to climb me. Razor could fucking hover. Why are you so broken???”

Pixel:（◞‸◟）“Not broken Boss, I just wanted to be near you…*sniff*”

“Pixel, you are a machine. A well-loved, beautiful and finely functioning one. But if you-pretend-or… _electronically_ **cry** at me, I will turn you off. We repress our emotions until they leave in this family.”

Pixel: (´⌣`ʃƪ) “I love you too Boss.”

“Ugh, this is going to be a theme isn’t it? Overly emotional and clingy inanimate objects.” Te could just feel it. And it felt…tiring. Thankfully there were people around to make sure Te had plenty of adrenaline coursing through their veins.

“Ya know, Spike was always chatting his little cloud of bits and bobs too.” Said a previously unnoticed Benny. Scaring the ever-living hell out of Te.

“ **FUCK** ” Te hadn’t realized she’d gained an audience, not in the slightest. In hindsight Razor had not been quiet…Time for some fast talking-

“Panic Button: Activated.” –or not.

“Eh?” Te’s confusion at Pixel’s interruption abruptly ended when Pixel just fucking broke apart and swarmed down her wrist. Leaving her fingers free but incasing her palm with glass and tech. Pixel, by paring down the energy allotted for their new Mobility routine had instead thrown the remainder into the Panic Button App they’d noted last night.

‘ _So, this was the drawback of creating an AI, at least Pixel was on her side. I wonder if this is how Tony Stark feels?’_ was Te’s only coherent thought before Pixel _shot_ a bolt of electricity at Benny. Te was almost too busy glancing rapidly between Pixel and Benny to care to notice or care that Benny had dodged the small spark with hardly any effort.

But they did see it…the bastard.

More importantly though, _they had felt that_ , that little surge of electricity had drained Te’s battery it felt like. Yanking back on the connection like the leash of a very naughty puppy Te ordered Pixel to stand down. The phone did retreat, reforming and skittering back down Te’s arm, all the while growling out loud like an actual dog.

Te tried to save face with Benny. Mostly because they were fairly certain that he could kill with some effort and Te hadn’t even figured out shatter something on purpose or if it mattered if it had been ‘alived’ first or not.

“Um…that was an accident. I swear.” Te said sheepishly, with a false grin. Praying that Benny still found near death and precociousness as amusing today as he had last night.

“Hmf, Spike’s things were always overly protective of him too…” The was a leading silence after that.

Assuming that he had mentioned this Spike guy twice in as many minutes for a reason, they played along, it beat getting killed.

“Alright, I’ll bite. Who’s Spike?” Benny looked a bit smug at her question. _‘Who says I can’t read a room, suck it universe!’_

“He was your predecessor, lad. The _last_ wielder of the Mure no Mi.”

“And a friend of yours I take it?” Had to be. Benny confirms it with a nod but elaborates too.

“Well more of an apprentice, really, got himself killed by some Marine with a wind fruit some 20 odd years ago. Boy was always a bit cockier than was warranted by his abilities. Certainly, didn’t seem to share with your natural aptitude for that fruit.” Benny again was giving her a look, but he kept talking, so it probably wasn’t an accusation…probably, maybe.

“But like I said, he’s been dead 20-ish years, you don’t look a day over 15 there, Te of-No-particular-Blue.”

“Te Blue, please." Personally they liked how the b whole hyphenated name sounded...just not the way Benny kept saying it. All mockingly scepticle. It together them the wrong way. 

Thinking of Benny's question though, Te had to admit that weren't actually sure how old they were. Usually people never guessed their age right because they were short. Not until they really looked at them or caught their eyes at least.

However, Te was starting to think Pixel might have been on to something. Benny looked like an incredibly capable person of an older but not infirm age—and they definitely weren’t thinking that because he could potentially kill them—so maybe he could be trusted to guess their age correctly? 

Because,  with all their new features and abilities, what’s to say Mure hadn’t shaved off a decade and some change to suit their own goals.

“Uh, how old do I _look_ jefe?” Te decided to play it cool or maybe brain damaged, they were figuring this shit out as they went.

Benny looked a bit stumped at that. “You…don’t know how old you are?”

Te shrugged.

“So, let me see if I have the right of it. You didn’t know where you were last night. You barely had a name ready to lie to me with. You don’t know what age you might be. _Or_ how to use your fucking devil fruit-don’t interrupt I  saw you practicing- what exactly _DO_ you know child?”

“I know plenty, just not that stuff.” Te takes a deep breath and tries to sound like anything but an insane idiot. ‘ _Please be intelligent._ ’

“I have a very good idea of how my devil fruit works I just haven’t tested it yet, thanks. I’m probably a teenager again, I just don’t know how much of one. I understand where South Blue is geographically, I just didn’t expect to be here.

It negates any and all use my knowledge of East Blue might have gained me. I was going to be a pirate dammit, now the best I’ve got is maybe becoming the local ninja or witch, I could work either. Most of which I believed I told you last night…So there.”

Benny just fucking laughs at them, like an ass. “You babble a lot when you’re nervous, don’t ya, lad?”

“Not technically a dude, but…maybe a little.”

Benny’s face sobers up “Trust me, whatever you might be technically, you don’t want to be female here, lad. It’s not safe by half. Not with who we’ve got running place, certainly.”

Deflating a bit with the reminder that reality was often awful and South Blue was apparently worse than usual. “Point taken. Why are you offering all this info for free by the way? Or at least trying to run me off or something? I believe threats were made last night?”

They weren’t really looking to be run off of the only spot that had food and some approximation of safety for them, Razor might be alive now…but he wasn’t of any use. And while Pixel had somehow rewritten a panic app into working Iron-man gauntlet, that’s all they had to defend themselves. Te was _not_ certain at all that they could even reliable shatter enough material around them to be a danger to anything.

Benny was angling for something and if she kept him talking maybe she’d figure out. **_Maybe_** they could work something out. He definitely knew something about their devil fruit. Knowledge was power, she just had to remember not to get smug if she figured it out.

Mure had been rather spiteful about Te figuring out their real angle _‘and look what had happened because of that! Fucking South Blue and half shark now._ ’ Benny didn’t actually need her most likely, so she was coming into this with a disadvantage. Eldritch rules then. Be politely curious and try not to say anything too stupid again.

“Eh weeell, I suppose a bit of flotsam who washed up in the middle of the night shouldn’t be expected on their best behavior…I guess I could be persuaded to offer it again.”

“How benevolent of you…wait a minute, how do I know you don’t just want to kill me and steal my Devil Fruit???” Te ended with the accusation and Pixel helpfully hissed at Benny for her while she pointed dramatically.

Benny rolled his eyes and muttered something about teenagers before swatting the back of their head.

“Shut up with that nonsense, lad. You can’t transfer Devil Fruits from a specific wielder to another person. I don’t even know how you got that specific fruit anyway. Spike had it last and the boy got shoved overboard with it still active. It should have died with him.”

Te decided that telling him exactly how Devil Fruits work would be stupid and counter-productive to all of their collective safety. And for the last time told themselves to ‘ _Stop annoying the only guy trying to help you, idiot…ulterior motives aside, he is kind of offering to help. Sort of.’_

“Besides I’m too fucking old to be learning and managing a small army of knives or whatever you wind up doing. But I do need help and your Mure fruit would mean I could finally get certain plans rolling.”

Te relaxed and sat back “Okay, you have my attention.” Giving Benny enough space to join them on the bench, but refusing to turn and face the town below or put Razor down. Te assumed that whatever was down there in those ramshackle buildings couldn’t really hurt them here. Benny was the real danger right now.

Benny was still smirking as he sat, but he moved slowly and deliberately. Trying not to spook the young blue-haired teen. And more likely their guard-dog little Pixel who still eyeing him from Te’s shoulder.

“Easy Blue, I’m not going to hurt you.”

Te wasn’t really certain she believed him, maybe like 65% sure. And were they really on a first name basis already? ‘ _I think not’_

If his story about knowing the previous Mure was at least partially true though…he could be a huge help for her. He also clearly knew South Blue, but hadn’t tried anything, so he probably did not ascribe to the general douchebaggery found here. As a plus, he had a vague Scottish accent that was at least nice to listen to when they could understand it. _‘So…probably safe to put Razor down, probably._ ’

Te slowly lowered Razor, still in his sheath, to the ground. “Pointy thing is down…” and gestures with an open hand to say carry-on.

Benny winks, “Brilliant, now here’s the thing about his island: It’s nominally run by a governor type with direct aid from the Navy and therefore the World Government. World Gov. always approves who is in charge and tends to pick from established leaders—nobles—or prominent business men-”

“So, people with actual leadership abilities but tied to a deeply corrupt Government? Or just assholes who’ve played the game well?”

Benny outright smiles at them now, _they_ might have shark teeth but Benny’s smile still looks more predatory. “Ahh, you’ve heard of them? Aye, _allegedly_ someone in charge of an island or several in this case, should be someone interested in the overall well-being of the people they govern on behalf of the World Gov at large. Keeping local businesses honest, safe, and prosperous. Keeping the people safe from pirates or bandits and working with the local Navy attaché to ensure it stays that way.

We haven’t got that man. Not in either position.

The man in ‘charge’ is a foreign noble—”

“Oh that, that always end well.” Te inserts, thinking specifically of British and Scottish relations throughout history. There was a reason William Wallace had started his revolution and it seemed that a similar situation was leading Benny to do the same.

“Exactly. Alleges that he is in fact a Baron too. _Baron_ Shrill. But I’ve already tracked the fucker’s ancestry down. He is barely more noble than we are. _Barely_. And more important he’s an asshole who’s more interested in how much money he can make in as little time.

Doesn’t care a jot for what he’ll leave behind in his wake.”

‘ _Well’_ thought Te, ‘ _Doesn’t **that** just ring a bell. From one bloated plutocracy to another. How fun_ ’  

“Let me guess, health and safety violations are never looked at or followed up on if they are. Lawsuits roll off of him like he’s been greased, meanwhile the homeless and jobless rates start hitting Fuck-off levels of bad.”

“Prior experience their Te Blue?” Benny says knowingly. Te nods in agreement. Thinking about it sours their mood significantly.

“I’d say good, but it carries the connotation that I’d willingly wish this kind of fuckery on anyone. But at least you seem to understand why we’d all like him to die. Him and that pet marine of his, Rochford. The good Captain Rochford has been in debt to the Baron since he got demoted for something and reassigned to the base here, paid for by the good Baron of course. Haven’t figured out what exactly, but you know it’s bad if the Navy rumor mill is mum about it.”

Te winced at the whole notion of actually killing someone over this. Te wasn’t sure she was up for that level of awful quite yet. Intellectually she knew that being an unknown in an allegedly lawless and dangerous place meant she’d have to, if only for their own safety and wellbeing, but to intentionally go at a situation with murder in mind? ‘ _That might be a step further than I’m capable of right off…_ ’

“So, Rochford has to go too.” Benny continued, seemingly unaware of the wince that Te was trying to hide. “He’s a bad egg and despite what he screeches, he doesn’t know a damn thing about justice. Likes power and holding it over small folk. He’s been instrumental in keeping the people scared too, can’t count how many people have gone missing and that shit that went down on Industry?

He’s got to go.”

Te knew that deep down, if pushed she’d chose her life over someone else’s, but taking someone’s life to further a goal was…a step well beyond anything she’d considered. It had been a _long_ time since she’d allowed herself to be that dangerously angry. Angry enough to hurt someone. Her thoughts and conflicted emotions must have been visible on her face after all, because Benny interrupted.

“Don’t get ahead of yourself. You’re scrappy I’ll give you that. But you’re no ready to kill someone yet. I’ve got plenty I need done that you can do. I need information, information that people aren’t going to be willing to part with…”

‘ _Ah, but their things might not be so picky. I see._ ’ That what Benny was getting at. He’d probably start them off with that at least. But it **was** something they were perfectly capable of and the fact that Benny was hinting at it meant that it wasn’t just a coincidence that Razor remembered things from Before.

“I can…I can help with that.”

“Brilliant.

Besides you wanted to be a ninja-pirate-something right? In exchange for your help and frankly unparalleled intel gathering skills I can teach you how to fight, steal, and bullshit your way where ever you want to go next.

Think we can help each other out?”

They took a moment to really think about this. Benny wasn’t really all that nice, he was plotting at least two out in out assassinations. But he was also, literally, the only person she-they knew here. Even as briefly as they did. The deal was good, but Te wasn’t going to fool themselves into thinking that Benny was some sort of angel. No way.

Benny wasn’t just doing this out of the kindness of his heart. Te was, for sure, willing to spy and talk to things around the island, they needed the practice anyway. Te had a fairly good idea that the larger the object, the power they’d need to even halfway alive it. That meant building up stamina. And _that_ meant lots of practice. Working for Benny would definitely get them that. But…

“What’s in it for you? Why don’t you just leave? You thought I was here to steal from you, you outright admitted to having a treasure of some kind. What does getting rid of them, get Benny?”

At their pointed and suspicious question Benny stilled and searched their face. Looking for something, but Te couldn’t figure what. They just stared back hoping that he understood that they- _she_ needed the answer. Te always felt the most comfortable with clear lines of intent and purpose between them and any sort of deal with another person.

Benny must have seen something that pleased him, because he nodded and actually answered. His face lit up, where before he’d been serious and snide. His craggy and scarred appearance from before had been making him seem stern when he wasn’t deliberately trying to put them at ease.

Te envied his ability to hide his emotions, Te had a very expressive face. It was all in their eyebrows. They moved for everyone emotion. Benny’s face only seemed to do what he told it too. If anything, that worried Te more, made them more skittish around the man. Privately, they sincerely doubted they’d every trust him. But right this second, they also knew Benny was being as real as anything with them. As real as Benny could probably be.

“What do I get? I suppose you deserve to know. It’ll certainly underline the risk you’ll be taking…alright, I’ll tell you what Benny gets.

I get the opportunity of a life time, specifically, the opportunity of a _Thief’s_ lifetime.

I’m going to steal these islands right out from Shrill’s corpse! Sure, thieves have stolen islands before, temporarily. But I’m going to get the World Gov to nominate me Shrill’s successor. But to accomplish that, I have to play the part of a hardworking, successful, and well respected business man.

Which means nothing that goes wrong in this town can be laid at my feet. Despite my heavy involvement.”

Suddenly Te understood. Benny needed another thief to take the actual risks around here. If he was to keep his respected-man-of-the-community mask he absolutely couldn’t be found near anything shady. He’d likely need Te to steal, negotiate, blackmail…and maybe even kill for him. So that he could be in the position to take this place back.

“And when you get that…you’ll fix things? You’ll actually do the job?” They asked, they just needed to know. Needed to at least pretend they weren’t going to make things worse first.

The old man nodded, back to his serious-face again. “As best I can. I will tell you this, I’m not alone in this. I won’t be running this place alone, no matter what happens or who’s left standing. There are many other’s working on this, you’ll meet them—IF—you agree to the deal.”

He held his hand out and waited. Letting them work their way through the problems and weigh the risks themselves. And Te certainly was. There was a question in the back of their mind of what Benny intended to do if they said no. ‘ _Could we even say that now?_ ’ They decided they wouldn’t go down that road. That for better or worse they needed what Benny was offering.

Te hadn’t forgotten how fast Benny had moved last night. Te hadn’t seen the knife on him or where he’d brought it out from before it was at their neck…and they could see in the dark now so that spoke of just how fast he was. Benny knew South Blue and its pitfalls better than they did and even more importantly he had trained the man who’d last held Mure’s power.

There wasn’t much of a choice after all.

Te gently took Benny’s hand and they shook on it. “I’m in. Teach me O’wise one”

Ignoring their snark, “Brilliant lad! You won’t regret it, probably, unless we die of course. Try not to do that, aye?”

Te heaved a heavy sigh at the thought. _‘Two stupid-ass deals in as many days. What am I doing with my life?’_

“I’ll do my best.”

“Let’s get started then!” Benny stood up and started walking back to his house. He looked serious.

“Like right now? I was thrown through a portal into the fucking ocean yesterday! Benny?! Hey!” Te took off after him. To either start this mysterious training or Mure the shit out of Benny’s peg leg, it wasn’t quite clear.

A rocky start to what was surely going to be a beautiful working relationship…probably, maybe.

**Author's Note:**

> Bear with with me, I'm not sure where I'm going with this. It also relies heavily on the time I can spend making head-canons with my bro.
> 
> *Also Kid will be spelled Kidd. Bc as an American I use the word kid or kids to describe young people. And my gd dislexia makes it hard for me proofread when I have both Kid and kid. I don't know why, but it's a problem. I capitalize the wrong one or look at it again and "fix" it the wrong way. This is the way it has to be for shit to get to done. Deal with it or leave.


End file.
